Thursday, April 28, 2016

Chains Can Be Broken!





Are we all just destined to repeat the mistakes of our parents?

Some family patterns, such as abuse, seem to carry from one generation to the next, leaving broken hearts and families in their wake. This week, I read an article by Carlfred Broderick, professor of sociology, University of Southern California. In his article, he addressed a phenomenon that I have witnessed in my own life. This concept is the presence of "Transitional Characters" in families that are caught in negative cycles. Here is his explanation:

"Indeed, my experience in various church callings and in my profession as a family therapist has convinced me that God actively intervenes in some destructive lineages, assigning a valiant spirit to break the chain of destructiveness in such families. Although these children may suffer innocently as victims of violence, neglect, and exploitation, through the grace of God some find the strength to 'purge' the poison within themselves, refusing to pass it on to future generations. Before them were generations of destructive pain; after them the line flows clear and pure. Their children and children’s children will call them blessed."

How hopeful and beautiful is that? In my relationships, I have had the privilege of associating with more than one "transitional character." I have seen the victim of a third-generation abuser choose to end the cycle with his own children. Is it easy? Certainly not. Behavior patterns and scars of abuse always fight to rear their ugly heads. However, with determination and the help of the Almighty, all things are possible!

Abuse is not the only chain that is difficult to break through generations. Another "transitional character" in my life has broken a chain of inactivity in the church. Three generations of missed opportunities to become a covenant making and keeping family did not keep him from altering the course of his own life. He made a few key choices and now enjoys an eternal union with his wife and five children, who are also doing their best to honor their own temple covenants. 

In my experience, those struggling to end the darkness of their past have another common denominator besides divine intervention: a mentor. It's important to have a real life example of positive behavior, and to feel loved and valued despite a challenging past. Maybe I can look a little harder for someone who needs a helping hand to take that first step. Someone trying to struggle toward the light, but needing a boost. Maybe you can too!