Gems

As I finished reading the book Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage by H. Wallace Goddard this week, I tried hard to internalize some of the valuable insights and truths that I have learned as I read.
I think I have had more "aha" moments while reading this book than I have for a long time.

This week I read the chapter on Charity, (which has really been an underlying theme throughout the book) in addition to the conclusion and epilogue. I felt a real sense that I have the power to change and improve my marriage, and I also felt that I have needed to practice more humility in facing the challenges that I have in my marriage. I actually feel such sadness that I was not able to see a better way 24 years ago. I know that many of the problems that I have thought were insurmountable and not at all my fault could have been minimized or even overcome if I would have had more understanding of what the marriage covenant requires of me. I am definitely making both of the books from my marriage class required reading for my children when they get engaged!

One small part of Goddard's conclusion had a profound impact on me. He is actually quoting Catherine Thomas:

"Much of the emotional pain that we have does not come from the love that we were not given in the past, but from the love that we ourselves are not giving in the present."

As I thought about the times when I have felt slighted in some way, or times that I have blamed my husband for not making me feel loved or appreciated enough, I pondered the idea that maybe the solution all along was to love him more freely. The Savior has taught us to love and forgive over and over again. And yet I hold grudges and give less than my best to punish my husband's weaknesses, instead of shining a laser light on his strengths and rejoicing in them.

President Ezra Taft Benson once delivered a powerful message:

"Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expend their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace. Whoever will lose his life in the service of God will find eternal life."

I am committed to moving forward with faith that God can make my marriage so much more beautiful than I ever imagined if I am willing to turn it over to Him. I want my husband to know that I am his greatest cheerleader and can see the goodness in him. Some practical ways I am trying to do these things:

• Praying and studying the scriptures each day with my mind turned to allowing my Heavenly Father to improve my marriage.
• Praying for my husband's happiness.
• Pausing before I speak if I feel annoyed or critical of my husband, and then speaking an encouraging thought instead.
• Finding time every day to tell my husband something I sincerely appreciate about him.
• Telling other people positive things about my husband.

I have already seen positive changes, and have faith that my marriage will become better and better the more and harder I try.